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“This is why I fired you”

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Firing someone can go one of two ways. Either, the employee knows what they’ve done to deserve the sack, or they’re completely oblivious to any wrong-doing.

A hilarious thread on social media site Reddit asked employers to spill the beans on some of the most satisfying times they have fired someone.

These are some of our favourites, but check out the entire thread here.

1. You were too demanding and distracting

If you “talk shit” and distract others from their jobs, you’re not likely to win over your boss.

“[There was a] labourer who spent every day of his 10 days of employment talking shit and distracting others from their jobs. His wife worked for me in the office and was quite good so I put up with it for longer than I should have,” said Reddit user AngloQuebecois.

“He turned to me and said he wasn’t working a minute more without a 50% pay rise and said he was ‘above’ such work.

“I don’t know what response he was expecting, but ‘you’re fired’ was by far the most satisfying.”

2. You didn’t realise I was the boss (and stole in front of me)

Rule number one: know who the boss is – and then don’t steal their merchandise right in front of them! Reddit user wordsandstuffs tells the story:

“I own a clothing store, and for weeks I noticed things going missing around the store. I work cash just like the rest of my employees, and we’d just hired this girl who was about my age. We’re there alone one day, and she just grabs a shirt and stuffs it in her bag,” she said.

“WTF? I must’ve looked at like her as though she just ate a baby, but she just shrugs it off. ‘I take stuff all the time, the owner never even stops by’.

“She thought my dad, who stops by once a week or so to say hello, owned the place.”

The user said she made a deal with the employee to not contact the police if she returned everything she stole, but according to rumours, she ended up in jail a couple of months later for petty theft anyway.

3. You stole from less fortunate people

“I supervised a group home for adults with developmental disabilities. I found an employee who was stealing from the residents. Couldn’t wait to fire her,” said Reddit user LearningLifeAsIGo.

“The clients had a community pool for groceries and she was spending hundreds over a couple of months for her own groceries out of that money. I suspected other things, but that was the smoking gun.”

Lesson: Don’t steal from the people you are supposed to be helping. Actually, don’t steal at all.

4. You screwed up and forced me to fire the whole company

A man who used to work at a beverage company often did some of their printing in Mexico. An employee sent final press files for the beverage bottles to the printers for the carriers, which hold six packs of bottled beer.

“Instead of using the final files (which cost thousands of dollars to produce), the printer used the PDF MOCK UP file with all the dye lines, cut lines, fold lines, etc on it. They printed over a MILLION of these,” he told Reddit.

“That was the day I got to fire an entire company.”

5. You were caught intentionally sabotaging machinery

This man didn’t do the firing, but said he saw it happen.

“I used to do mechanical maintenance at a brewery in NZ while I was studying. A chain on a conveyor kept coming off and it was very difficult to put back on, so it would usually end in the packaging line shutting down and all the staff got to go home early with pay,” he said.

So, he decided to set up a camera to figure out what was going on.

“Turns out an employee that didn’t feel like working the rest of the day would jam a metal pole between the chain and drive sprocket. He didn’t know about the camera and we got everything on tape.”

6. But actually, firing someone is always horrible

Despite some of the funny and satisfying stories, perhaps Reddit user ldm314 puts it best:

“Turns out firing someone isn’t as satisfying as you would think. At best a horrible employee makes it easier to come to that decision, but I can’t say I have ever felt satisfaction in firing someone.”

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